A Safe Harbor — Nov. 14, 2011
I wrote this post about my new cast mates. We were away from our families and had only each other to lean on.
Every so often, I lose my ability to put into words how I’m feeling. I don’t exactly feel lost, but I’m wandering in a world I haven’t navigated before.
These past 3 weeks have been such a blessing in disguise. I have met some amazing people, individuals who have taken up room in my heart. I thought leaving Gainesville was tough, but now I can only imagine what it’s going to be like leaving this tiny family behind.
I was given the opportunity to (theoretically) save a life this past week. I helped a cast mate with an issue that would have disabled him from staying in our cast. I don’t think the ship would have been the same without him. He has this humbleness I find utterly intriguing. He doesn’t see how wonderful he is. I found myself reading my book beside him at the dining room table just to be near him. I found comfort in it, like I was home.
For some reason this helped me feel alive again, being able to provide for someone I care about. It allowed me to be the person I want to be. I feel as if life should be shared, and cherished, and most of all, lived with passion. When people live only for themselves, it leaves me with this deep seated anger that I’ve never known how to conquer. There are decisions people should know the answer to without hesitation, yet most either consider how it would profit for them or how they can get something in return.
I’ve also been surrounded by people who are in relationships as well as those who are single. I find myself envying both. Those with significant others show dedication and true commitment to the ones they love. From Skyping, to texting, to phone calls throughout the day, it touches me to see that there are people who will to do what it takes to stay together through a period of physical separation. What a feeling it must be to know someone loves you enough to not only support you, but stay faithful in your time of absence. What I wouldn’t give to embrace that feeling.
When it comes to those who are single, I have noticed a difference in each of thier demeanors. One of the boys spends a lot of time deep within himself. He searches for a love that could match his own. I connect with that a lot. Another girl has this spontenaity about her that is intoxicating. Everyone can feel it and enjoys its presence. She’s such a fireball. And then, the last girl, a girl I’ve come to admire, has shown me that there is peace within being alone. Being single isn’t a bad thing. She enjoys the world as it is and has put her faith in God that He will bring her the right man when it’s time. I’ve been praying every night for her steadfast mind.
I guess what I’m getting at is I have been feeling lonely. But then I realize I’m surrounded by so much love. My castmates are growing into a family, a family I am thankful to be a part of. They’ve given me a hope that I’ve forgotten to believe in. I think 23 is going to be a good year and I can’t wait to make more memories with them all.
Whatever situation you are in, be thankful for it. Reason doesn’t always show it’s face when we want. Just remember you are not alone. Somewhere out in the world there is a heart much like yours. It sings the same song. There are many different songs all around you. Listen to them; find strength in them; be thankful for them. There is always something to be grateful for in life. Happiness gives us hope. Pain reminds us we are alive. Fight to keep living.
This Thanksgiving, look around you. Look at the family around you disguised as friends, co-workers, classmates, and strangers waiting to know the song you have in your heart.
Love, B.R. Wren