Lately, I have been taking bike rides. At first they were just in the neighborhood. I didn’t really have a destination or purpose except to listen to the music in my headphones and peddle faster than my problems in hopes I could leave them behind for those 20 minutes.
Then came the day I ventured out to the majestic bridge and was sucker punched with my wedding venue.
And then came the day I decided to peddle past my wedding venue and found this completely mesmerizing tree in a field. I fell in love with it instantly, bare and vulnerable amidst the plethora of other finely clothed trees.
That very night my pet died, and in my grief, I thought of that tree. I wanted to bury her there. I placed her in a tiny box, wrote her a little note, and dug her a home beneath the earth. Now, when I ride, I rush out to greet her.
You don’t realize how much you love something until it’s gone. I cherish the days I can ride my bike to see her now. I visit her grave and speak to her, even if it’s just for five minutes. I tell her of my troubles, of what’s swirling in my mind. I never talked to her about those things before because, for some reason, I couldn’t let those things out in my room. It was as if they would stay, festering. But, out in the open, with the wind carrying my words away, I am free to say what is on my heart without fear.
And today, my heart was a little extra heavy. After visiting her beneath the tree, I still felt down, worried over things I couldn’t change. The music in my ear wasn’t helping either, humming somber lyrics straight to my brain.
But then… Ed Sheeran came on. “I’m on my way…”
My heart that was burdened couldn’t help but brighten. As my feet turned and my bike went from grass to pavement, I became happy in that moment. My hand started to pound on my handlebar and my bike danced along the lane, swerving to the beat.
And then suddenly I was singing out loud, not a care if the neighbors could hear.
“I’m on my way
Driving at ninety down those country lanes
Singing to ‘Tiny Dancer’
And I miss the way you make me feel, and it’s real
We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill”
I especially screamed the ‘Tiny Dancer’ part since, technically, I was Elton’s Tiny Dancer while on my last cruise ship. It brought back memories of being spun around by my dance partner.
After feeling obstinately forlorn, I was so thankful that song came on. When you’re having a particularly sad day, we have to be grateful for the pick-me-up moments that we are blessed with — even if they are short-lived.
The best part? Down the long stretch of road, I let go, and gave my best Meg Ryan impression. My arms, outstretched, open as if I could lift off, I flew down the streets. Felt amazing.
**disclaimer: unlike Meg Ryan, I made it home… #cityofangels
Love, B. R. Wren