On January 25th, I hit the 2 year mark! Not giving up!
When I look in the mirror, I still see everything that is wrong — My face is extremely dry (hence all the skin on my shirt in the picture), I have a red mustache and a red, dry patch in-between me eyebrows, my arms are itchy and patchy red with thick lines, and my stomach is still dealing with these weird bumps that itch.
BUT, when I think about it all, I have come a LONGGGGGGGG way from the beginning, even from one year ago with my anniversary flare!
Now, there have been other set backs right now that have raised my anxiety level, but whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger! I just wished that whatever isn’t killing me didn’t think I needed to get stronger!
Overall, physically, I am heading in the right direction. There are still ups and downs but MUCH more manageable.
Emotionally, the longer this goes on, the harder you have to dig for the strength and motivation. Your confidence shakes, your anxiety grows, and good lord I DO NOT want to enter the dating scene again. Uh! To be honest, the feeling of being single right now absolutely sucks, but I’m going to take it as an opportunity to better myself (as I have mentioned in other blogs) but I don’t even think I COULD go out into the dating world until I am healed from TSW. I just don’t find it fair to plop all of this baggage onto someone else. It’s such a limbo state to be in, no true forward direction in my life because the things I care to pursue are reliant on my optimal health. So, for right now, I’m at a stalemate for intimacy, but it will all be even that much greater once I am healed, physically and emotionally, to go back out into the dating world. Uh, the horror!! No Tinder or Match.com for me. I refuse!!
But here are some fun pictures!
Ya, I dyed my hair. I wanted to feel like a different person, something to get me out of this funk. Now, I can put all sorts of colors in my hair and taste the rainbow!!
To all my other warriors out there trudging through this madness, know I am proud of you for never giving up. This road to recovery can be torturous, but I for one believe it is all worth it. And I want to use my voice to help it never happen to others! Know that your voice counts, even if it feels like it doesn’t. When we work together, we can do some pretty amazing things!
P.S. Check out my YouTube channel for some humor if ever needed. Also, have started a web series on my channel that you don’t want to miss (YouTube: Briana Banos)
P.S.S If you believe in getting the word out, PLEASE consider donating to my documentary project. The documentary will NEVER happen unless it gets funded by the end of May. If you know of any businesses or people who would be willing to contribute, please pass this along to them: SPONSOR/DONOR SITE It is tax deductible!!!
Love, B. R. Wren